In the name of the most Merciful the most Compassionate One!
I pray for forgiveness of anything I write, say or do that is without clear intention or is misguided.
With the admission of one who tries earnestly to make my intentions honest and in the name of honest people, and with the sincere prayer to be granted the solidarity and companionship of such people.
For weeks and months now i have been preoccupied with study and passion for learning and understanding on many levels, on the level of those who find there passion and cannot be free of it. I would pray that this passion be purified so that it is free of ego and moves solely in selfless servitude for the best in all the worlds.
I have been studying in depth the Golden Age of the East, the Moors, and of Baghdad, of sacred geometry of the Alhambra Palace, of Christianity of Jerusalem, of Judaism and the age in which the works of the Jewish peoples flourished, of the history of religions all over the world, in order that my work can be more clearly set out, in its intention, as works dedicated to the One Supreme Being.
But we must be clear, that where we study and learn and become impassioned we can most definitely become distracted, that in essence all learning void of surrender is a possible gymnastic for our ego our nafs, in which we can easily become lost or deluded or confused and essentially wrong, not perhaps in our search but in the manner in which we are living or speaking or moving.. moving even quietly, or… in such a life as that of a monk or ascetic. .
I am wrong, because i have not applied, while having intellectually accepted, that time is perfectly allotted and that the time I spend attending to the excellence of my living is invariably the excellence in understanding that which I search for. That each deed flowing from one to the other organically in the microcosm of my home, is like that of the work of the small honey bee who’s works and intentions are such that it effects all those within and without her hive and throughout her world and in the universe.
As I go to wash and clean and sew clothing, play with my children and prepare food, each motion is in fact an act of prayer and surrender worthy of excellence and gratitude, and that time is essentially not something that i am in control of, rather it is something gifted to me with which i have the choice to either move in excellence or move in haste and ignorance. That the prayers for example have their time and that that time is already set out, the intention is made, thus the prayer is performed, thus the angels are about us supporting us, thus each thing is given what it is needed, the children are served, thus the nature of servitude is acquired, the guest is served and thus my work is made prayer,
my word is made whole for well being, my heart is made grateful, my love is made real, constant, present. As gratitude is conceived in our hearts so our works become jewels, so our love becomes light, so our surrender becomes harmony and well being not only for ourselves but for all those dear to us, all those we meet, thus the believer, or he who surrenders, becomes the oasis in the desert, the drop of water where no water is.
Essentially all things we strive for in knowledge, become, are born into the world, not through our own intellectual conceptualizations or ambitions, but through those moments when we seem empty, often during sleep, or on a long walk, during the excellent intention with which we perform “menial” tasks, making both the task and our works which make provisions , income, societies real wealth, scientific discoveries, evolve from the simplicity and excellence of the moments in which we are quite seemingly alone, or empty, but in which we find the most is revealed as in realization, epiphanies, as in the excellence of virtue, and of understanding and knowledge.
It is not to renounce the search for knowledge, not in the least, it is in fact the intention with which we are learning, the timing and priorities with which we acquire real knowledge, and the birth of the acts which are brought forth by way of that real knowledge.
So I pray my will be surrendered and caught up by the Shaper of all things that it be shaped and formed into that shape that is in true balance with the best character in me that it be made harmonious not according to my illusions and passions and distractions but by His most abundant and absolute Will, that Will which has formed all forms and exists therein patiently and mercifully for all.
So I have admitted my distraction my preoccupation with the goal as apposed to the moment, and this is my error, this is my illness, this is the disease of most modern conditions and i am no better for my studies. My dearest husband has shown me and I am blessed to know him, I praise and give thanks, that the moment is the goal, that the heart has been called and I am most willingly answering. It is not what I know but how and what I do.
My heart felt greetings and love and sincere prayer goes out to everyone.
Pray for me in which ever way you pray, or send to me your best thoughts, i send them likewise to you all.
Yasmeen Amina Olya